The Desolation of Smug

Ten Things I Hate About Vancouver

Just got back from Vancouver and I am tired, stressed and worn out. Each time this happens, I am reminded of why we moved to Vancouver Island twelve years ago.

Vancouver is busier, people are busier... more hurried.

As soon as the rubber hits the ground at Horseshoe Bay, I feel different. Not bad different, not Oprah-different, just different.

Here, I have tried to express this disappointed cynicism into a list. I know it smacks of sardonicism,  but fortunately for me, I am not Shia LaBeouf, so it is a plain rant, not oh-my-god-he-has-lost-it rant.

Vancouver is considered one of the best cities in the world, but from someone who used to live there but does not anymore, “the best city in the world” thing is getting a little bit too smug. It reminds me of Perfecto. In our high school, he was THE guy:  the too-good-looking guy who is too-good-at-everything and too-nice. Also, his name was Perfecto… are you kidding me? Not to be trusted. Anyway, poor Perfecto did not make it into my circle of friends. Vancouver is like Perfecto… too eco-friendly, too self-congratulatory, too smug, too hipster. Good place for Perfecto, if he has a beard and glasses now. He might, I think he is a judge. 

Beards and Plaid= Happy in  Hipsterhood

 Here are Ten Things I Hate About Vancouver.

No. 1: Entitled Panhandlers

 

Entitled Panhandler Giving Two Thumbs Up, Streetstyle

Just as annoying as irritable bowels, except without the running. I am sympathetic to the homeless, I am. They are courageous as hell and I could not do what they do. I would make a terrible panhandler.  This is me panhandling:

Rudy: Excuse me, do you have some Red Reishi?

       Stranger: What?

Rudy: Red Reishi, Ling Zhi it’s called. Ganoderma lucidum? Grass of Heaven?

      Stranger: What are you talking about?

Rudy: It will help my immunity! My energy! Make me less irritable!

      Stranger:  Get away from me...what kind of panhandler are you?

However, what I do mind are the entitled ones. I mean, at the very least, it should be treated as a business transaction with me the customer agreeing to exchange my money for whatever potential benefit I feel  might be forthcoming (basic human kindness, safe passage, endorphins, whatever) Everyone who works with the public  should understand the basic guiding rules of customer interaction: be nice, smile, show some appreciation. Do not let them see you get annoyed, not matter what. This just makes sense, because they (the “customers”) are the boss.

Now this happiness rule is inverse proportion to the value and rarity of the services you are offering. Brain surgery, go ahead and be rude. Panhandling? You just have to be a little less demanding.

No. 2 Ferry Lineups

Ferry lineups require preparation: ferry line up food + pillow + eyeshades + music

 The most terrible and undeniably irksome fact of life in living in Vancouver Island is being at the mercy of BC Ferries. It is like being held hostage. It is like paying through the nose for greasy popcorn at the Mega Cineplex. It is like paying for a DVD that turns out to be something you watched already but was so bad you forgot.

When we moved to Courtenay 12 years ago, it was $65 for a family of four to cross the water; now it is over $100.

No. 3 Failing at Walking 101

Do not walk in a flank...This is a sidewalk

Walking in public should not be allowed unless you know how to.

One simple rule, you walk on the right and the people walking in the opposite direction walk on their right. Keep a straight line for Pete’s sake.  Do not stop to suddenly to look at a window. Do not walk in a flank of five. This rule does not apply in Courtenay, where it is actually encouraged that you walk into each other, ending up in a social hug of some form.

Number 3.1 Corollary to Failing at Walking 101

Walking PLUS Eating  

 Not only do you risk walking into each other, there is the possibility of exchange of glop. This rule does not apply if you are John Travolta  in a three piece White Suit or the soundtrack from Chariots of Fire starts playing in Dolby Sound.

If you are John Travolta, go ahead and eat a pizza in public

 No. 3.2 Corollary to Failing at Walking 101

Texting PLUS Eating PLUS Walking

I have seen this. One thumb texting, other hand holding a burrito of some sort while walking down Robson St. (AKA madness). Text your friends on how good your falafel is! Talk while walking, but only between bites! This increases your chances of eating your cell phone by mistake should you get confused.

 4. Food Courts:

There's People's Court, there's tennis court, then there's Food Court

 These abominations of the dining world are very popular, specially in underground malls. No windows, but lots of bright lights. As far as dining experiences go, it is its own category. A array of stalls of fast food, fried mostly, in copious amounts. I watch as the mountain of garbage is emptied continually… a continuous stream  of coffee cups, plastic straws, food wrappers, Styrofoam trays, plastic spoons and aluminum condiment packets.

It makes my head ache and there is a voice that is saying “Get out of here while you still can.” But I can’t, I don’t have a cell phone and my wife asked me wait by A&W. I am trapped. 

5. Dressing Out of Context  

Larry Bird called, he wants his shorts back.

I am talking boots in the summer, shorts in the winter. Inappropriate fashion has always transcended inappropriate taste, but lately, the two have crossed over into uncharted territory. Shorts are now worn in the middle of winter, and paired with leggings or high socks.  Boots on the other hand, can be worn just like sandals, especially if paired with shorts.

6 Traffic

Roadwork commences at the start of traffic, or is it the other way around?

 You can not escape Vancouver without being caught in traffic.  You can mitigate it by leaving early or arriving late, but you pretty much have to allow an hour to get anywhere. 200^th St in Langley still gives me nightmares. Coquitlam Center: 20 minutes to traverse two blocks, you get passed by a senior in her scooter.

Is there somewhere on this planet that I can go anywhere in town in under 15 minutes (including parking). Oh yeah. I live there already.

6.1 Corollary to Traffic:

Permanent Road Constructions Projects

We have been away from Vancouver for 12 years and the corner of North Road and Austin has been in construction for all this time and is still under construction. How does this happen? Are they just digging black holes? Are they looking for lost innocence? Is it a tunnel to Vancouver Island?

7. Karma Jars:

This should be just stopped. I would find it less offensive if the term Karma is actually being used properly. Otherwise, it is simply blatant psycho-blackmail: “If you do not tip me, you will return as the underside of a chair to which gum is stuck to”.  Do not fall for it.

Actually, what  would help my karma a lot is if I find a note in the jar that says:

 “This is the  PIN for our bank account… please empty it to zero …then  walk to the corner of Main and Hastings and give the entire sum to the first person you see… and then walk away”.

If the establishment does this, I will change my mind about your Karma Jar in my next life. Unless I come back as a Karma Jar.

No. 8: Mega Dega Anything

half an hour to park + half an hour to choose a movie

Why do we need a theatre with 40 screens?  Why does one need a phone the size of a TV ? Why are Starbucks across the street from each other? Why do I need a Trenta coffee?

No. 8.1 Corollary to Mega-Dega

The Shortage of Public Washrooms

Do people in Vancouver even have bladders? I see them drinking coffee and yet there are no public washrooms around. If you need to pee, you will be immediately faced with this sign:

This requires you to buy a beverage in order to empty your bladder of your last beverage.

No. 9 Tiny Parking Spaces Un-suitable for Trucks.

I do not drive a small car.

 This is not a photo of my truck, but like many of the people in Vancouver Island, I do drive a truck. This is out of necessity because we have to haul stuff and we occasionally have unplowed country roads in the winter to contend with. So, when it is necessary to venture in Vancouver, we do not have the zippy cars that are such the fashion. However, it seems that parking stalls are designed for zippy car dimensions.  Please give us some properly sized parking spots and THEN, you can park your car under our trucks and it all works out.

No.10. Ungodly High Parking Rates

1 cent for every 6 seconds for meter parking in Gastown? $40 daily parking rate if you check into a hotel and park your car while you are at the hotel? Good thing they have not caught me taking up 1.5 zippy-car stalls.

That’s the list.

Kreegah! Bundolo!
Now I have to post Ten Things I Love About Vancouver.

Ten Things I Love About Vancouver

 

...OR Just In Case the Karma Jar Thing is Legit

…OR Whoever Said the Best Things In Life are Free Named His Yacht, His Horse and His Hacienda “Free”

No. 1: Asian Produce

 Some foods I have to stock up on whenever I go to Vancouver: green papaya, purple taro, Jaggary sugar, black bean paste, cassava, adzuki bean. I really miss Vancouver’s ethnic markets and enclaves of Korean, Vietnamese, Japanese, Filipino, Indian. Chinese and Persian delicacies, to name a few.

No. 2 Rokko’s Fabric and Sari House on Main Street

Here you will find the best deals in fabric and they will sell you a whole bolt of cloth and you will have a lot of fun haggling over the price. Glorious experience for the sew-ciable type. Bet you did not know…I was a tailor at one point.

No.3 The Drive, Gastown and Main Street

Commercial Drive AKA The Drive

These are three of my favorite neighborhoods. I lived off Commercial Drive and First (Salisbury Street) in my University days with my brother and we fixed up this 100 year old house. I loved those days and now, the community has not just survived, it has flourished.

No. 4. Funny Business Names

This is so much fun to play: spot the accidental joke. Where else would you find joyous establishments such as: Happy Date, Foo’s Ho Ho and Negative Space Chinese Restaurant.

No. 5 Richmond Night Market

Go to the Ikea on Bridgeport and follow the crowds to the secret area.

This is so much fun and relatively inexpensive. You just have to be prepared to walk a long way from parking. Red bean shaved ice on a hot summer nigh? Oh Yeah.

No. 6 Queen Elizabeth Park

Seasons Restaurant at Queen Elizabeth Park

This was and still is a favorite spot in Vancouver. I worked some summers at the restaurant in the park and got some serving skills in “Fine Dining”… such as “develop the prescient skills  to read the customer so you don’t have to ask” As poor students in Vancouver, this was central to the bus routes and was a great spot to spend an afternoon dreaming about the future.

Now is the future we used to dream of and now we dream of the time we were dreaming of today. Hey!....I am caught in a loop here…someone should beatbox right about now.

No. 7: Skytrain Stations

The stations are all different. My all time favorite is the Brentwood Station which looks like the airship in Star Wars, the one in which Hans Solo is captured and frozen.

No. 8: Westminster Abbey in Mission

Peace. Quiet. Chanting.

Serenity defined. Meditate , pray, sit, chant. It is all here. We take every chance to visit this place and it is special. When we lived in Port Moody, it was a special day to get up early and drive to Mission for the early morning service.

No. 9 Port Moody

Port Moody is cool. Port Moody is natural. Port Moody is family.

 This is our homebase in Vancouver and most of our family live in the area. Rocky Point Park rocks and walking on the mudflats at low tide is still allowed. The site of many family picnics.

Port Moody is “growing up” with the Skytrain being built right through the center of town, so it’s a mess right now traffic wise. But it still has its proximity to the lakes and mountains and offers a good balance of the artsy and active lifestyles. We miss living there.

10. Secret Restaurants

The dining choice in Vancouver is mind boggling but one of our nieces shared her secret list of restaurants of which we have tried a few. We got stuck because the few that we tried were so good, we just kept coming back. There remains so many undiscovered secret restaurants to find.

To make it on our list, they have to offer top notch novel food at reasonable prices and be consistent. All these places are going to be busy, so be prepared to wait. It will be worth it.

Ap Gu Jung soup..the side dishes are free

Oh, FYI, there are three simple rules of Asian dining:

Do not ask what it is...and definitely do not ask for gluten free, you will be kicked out. Asian definition of organic is: it used to be alive, now it’s on your plate.

Do not attempt to change or substitute, you will get the same stuff  with your own personalized “condiment”. Do not complain and return anything to the kitchen to be “fixed”. Unspeakable things will happen.

You come in, you eat, you go. This is extra important: if you notice people standing right beside your table making you uncomfortable while you eat, they want your spot.

Here is a partial secret list of the best-no-frills eateries:

Japanese: Fuji Sushi in Coquitlam, Shabusen on Georgia

Korean: Ap Gu Jung  on Robson.. plays K-pop all day and night

Vietnamese: Ba Le on Main and Kingsway 

Flota serves dimsum (old-school...with carts) starting at 7:00 AM

Chinese: Flota for dimsum, Cindy’s on Nanaimo for everything else

Filipino: Kumare in Richmond, Pin Pin on Main

Kumare Filipino Restaurant... order the Sisig (do not ask what it is)

Bubble Tea: Dragon Ball Tea of course

Lastly….Amazing torta sandwiches at Nuffy’s Doughnuts on 49th  (open all night, offers fusion food and yes, doughnuts too)

Surprising Insights from The Humble Play Corner

The front window at Marigold, overlooking the play area.

Have We Forgotten How To Play?

by Rudy The Pharmacist

I have recently viewed two TED talks on the subject of play and they have inspired this piece on how I have to incorporate more playfullness into my daily life. Not for amusement , but as an integral part of a well balanced life scheme. I now realize that 30-30-20-20 rule works out well for me. It goes like this: plan the 30%, be surprised by 30%, ponder the 20% and for the balance...unplan. The humble play corner at Marigold has been a source of this insight. It is one of those things that intuitively felt right, then we did it wrong, then we stood back and it fell into place. We planned then we unplanned.

Two Browns on Play

Tim Brown is the CEO of a design and innovation company and he talks about the seriousness of play. It leads to creativity and looseness and imparts the inadvertent ability to think outside the box. Perfectionism and regimentarianism are the kryptonite of creativity. The only perfect truth is that perfection is an impossible standard; an idea that is untenable. Especially so in a creative environment, which is admittedly, the only environment that spirals upwards and not downwards. Downwards spirals are useful in limited applications, for one, the water as it flushes down the toilet. However, it is what happens when creativity dies. Ask any creative person (actually, ask any person): what have you done today that is creative. If they start reciting a long list of activities, you are talking to a real living individual. Creativity is the oxygen of inventiveness. Here is a link to Tim Browns enjoyable talk.

Tim Brown heads an innovation think tank and studies the role of play in sparking creativity.

Click to see Tim Brown's TED talk:

http://download.ted.com/talks/TimBrown_2008P-320k.mp4?apikey=TEDHTML5

Another Brown, Dr. Stuart Brown (no relation....but mmm) got intrigued about the subject of play when he was investigating the lives of convicted murderers. He found a link to the absence of childhood play and devoted his career in psychiatry to the subject of play as a behavioural template. According to Brown, play develops our ability to read signals and creates the early modes of conduct. He stresses the importance of play in the workplace as a stress reliever and promoter of a social network. Play can be the effective alternative to social network's evil twin, Facebook and its megalomaniac sister, Twitter. Robert Fulghum wrote a brilliant book called All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten. The lessons are simple: play nice, wait your turn, share, don't hit.

Dr. Stuart Brown , a psychiatrist who noted the absence of play in the childhood of convicted murderers.

Click to See Stuart Brown's TED talk:

http://download.ted.com/talks/StuartBrown_2008P-320k.mp4?apikey=TEDHTML5

The Marigold Play Corner

A few months ago, I was walking by the window of Too Good To Be Threw, which is a fantastic thrift store on 6th Street. It is fantastic because it is right next door to Marigold, plus all the proceeds go to the Transition Society. I saw a beautiful beaded bright green table. I pictured it as child's play table and the next day, we cleared the front area of the store and created a play center. It worked out beautifully. We had all the elements in the store already: the brown carpet, the wooden box, the seats, the fabric for the seats, the benches. By the end of the day it was all set up.

Inspired by a play table, the play center materialized out of things we had already.

Then we eagerly watched what happened. Nothing. The kids did not play. We had to play with them.Since I love playing, that was OK. I would, you know, just get things rolling. However, I could not give up my other "important" duties to be the official  Ronald McMarigold. So short of making balloon animals (which I am really good at by the way), we analyzed what was happening.  One of the staff came up with a brilliant idea. Put the toys at the child's level. We put the toys on the floor and guess what happened? It worked immediately. It turns out children know what to do. It was not what we thought they would do. We had forgotten how to play.

Nancy's beautiful stained glass fills the corner with green and yellow sunbeams. 

 We bought a Connect Four game and challenged the kids to a game. If they beat any of the staff, they get to win a toy from the toy box. I got beat by a nine year old and then I got beat by a ten year old. I made a little girl almost cry when I raised my hands and stood up with a loud YES!!! when I won. It was a pretty brutal unmasking of the ego that lurked within. It was so hilarious, I laughed out hard at my stupidity. We dropped the Connect Four Challenge thing that day.

Play should be removed from gamesmanship...it is enough to promote pure play at its essence. There is no requirement for rules, or trophies of green jackets or yellow jerseys. These just leads to all sorts of trouble. What to do you do with your livestrong bracelet now?

Play without the fear of not winning. Children are naturally good at this. So at the Marigold Play Corner, we needed to let go of planned play. We had to back off, not direct, not guide, not hover.  Soon, we noticed the children inspecting the corner. In time, the children would let go of their parents hands and suss it out. Then they fell into play. It became their space. The play changed from child to child. Always, they invented games and came up with elaborate set ups. Two kids took all of the Jenga blocks and three sets of dominoes and lined them up in a spirally circle  six feet across. This took them two hours to do. Three seconds to knock down.

Some parents (the wise ones who would have creative geniuses giving TED talks one day) will go with the flow and linger in the store or watch from a distance. Some parents (the hurried ones who have places to go, lattes to sip and boots to buy) would cut off the play mid-play and round up the kids like kettlecorn....pop, pop, pop.

Connect Four, which is now free to be  Connect Whatever or Clinking Machine or something else.

Free to Be a Child Play

So, the play corner has freed itself from our ill-conceived plans and attempts at "intelligent" design. It is a really popular corner now and to see a child immersed in self-designed play right in the middle of our store restores the energy of the place like a fog machine of happiness. It has assumed its own intelligence, with little help from us.

Our role is simple: remove poky things, no small bits to swallow, nothing too heavy to crush toes,  no lead in the plastic. Other than that, the rest is up to the children. Everyday, we look over to the play corner and learn lessons on how to play from the children. They always have it right. Its their turf.

Each child creates their own game. Instinctively, they find the joy in freeplay.

World Water Day

Peak Oil VS Peak Water

by Elaine "The Brain"

Elaine is one of our brilliant advisers at Marigold and she is passionate about three things: natural health, permaculture and fabric arts. She describes herself as the original granola-head, having been in the health food industry since its infancy. Elaine lives, breathes, and cares about all things good for your health and the planet's, believing that we co-evolve as symbiotes in a continually changing planet. She has more than 25 years experience in organic gardening and sustainable living. She is a dynamic leader in the valley's Transition Town and has a private consulting practice as a permaculture design consultant and teacher.

We call her Elaine "the Brain" because she is brilliant, caring and well-informed. 
Here is Elaine's first blog.... be prepared to be shaken, stirred and informed.

By now the term ‘peak oil’ has become a regular part of the discourse on environment, economics, and development. The concept that fossil fuel production is going to involve more extreme measures, more elaborate infrastructure, and greater risk to the ecosystems involved, is relatively common. The idea of ‘peak oil’ frames what we perceive as the most important environmental issue of our time.

A less common idea is the concept of ‘peak water’. Although much of the resistance to fossil fuel development and pipeline expansion is due to concerns about ground and surface water contamination, the idea that fresh water could become a limited resource is still not part of our awareness. It’s a difficult concept, especially for those of us living on this soggy rain-coast. Our problems invariably seem to be too much water: dampness and mold abound; indoor allergies and respiratory problems are rampant. However for millions of people in many parts of the world peak water is already the daily reality and the major factor in a bleak and uncertain future. 

Canada is the land of a million lakes. Canada is steward to fully one sixth of the world’s fresh water resources. We are blessed with an abundance of the world’s most precious resource. Unfortunately development of the tar-sands and the practice of fracking for natural gas pose a huge risk to this abundance. The Navigable Waters Act [1882], a major impediment to the proposed Enbridge pipeline, was rescinded in the recent omnibus budget bill C-45 eliminating environmental protection for more than 90% of our fresh waterways.

It takes 80 barrels of water to produce one barrel of oil.

 Even without the pipeline the tar-sands consume and contaminate our fresh water at a phenomenal rate. It takes 80 barrels of clean water to produce one barrel of tar-sands oil. The tailings ‘ponds’ would be more accurately termed tailings seas. They are so huge they can be clearly seen from space. They are so toxic air canon are used to prevent birds from landing on them.

Cancer rates in the communities downstream from the tar-sands are well above national averages and, for the first time in our history, Canadians families have become refugees in their own country abandoning homes in north-western Alberta’s Peace River district that are too toxic to be habitable. Other families in the same community equally aware of the health risks have remained in their homes simply because they have nowhere else to go.

The health benefits of drinking pure clean water cannot be overstated. Good quality water can reduce the risk factors of cancer and other degenerative diseases. Pure water as a support detoxification is essential to maintaining energy, vitality, and immunity. 

Bill C-45 removes environmental protection for 90% of Canada's fresh waterways.

Peak oil or peak water? One is inconvenient, the other is major catastrophe.

Chocolate Peppercorn Popsicle

Hot Peppercorn Chocolate Popsicle: Endorphins on a Stick

Bitter, Sweet, Spicy meets Soft, Smooth and Crunchy

raw cacao , coconut and dates in the center with a kick of cayenne

The Experience:

Here is the perfect treat for everyone who loves raw cacao and all its goodness. It is served on a popsicle stick and is so beautiful you don't want to eat it. But then you do and you are in chocolate heaven.

For the brave, put the whole thing in your mouth and pull the popsicle stick away. Do it without hesitation... you will get the full taste and sensory experience. Do not call your mother in Sointula to ask for permission.

You immediately taste the crystalline sweetness of the beet. It melts as soon as it hits your mouth. Count to three and it gives way to the soft chewy mix of the melting chocolate center. As the chocolate melts, the juice of the goji berries is released and this lingering tart juice is subtle and gentle. The cayenne soon decides to come out and play. The roguish heat has been lingering in the background and you are not sure whether to trust it or not. Your pulse quickens and you are tempted to start chewing the crunchy peppercorn. Should you play it safe and just spit them out? It taunts you to go ahead and do it. You call your friend Alex, The Accountant, and he advises to not do it. So, you do it and there is an explosion. This one, it makes your eyes water with its intensity, but wait.... all the minerals from the dates and cacao cool down this fire and you are left with the lingering joy of the endorphin release.

Happiness ensues all around and life is good. The colors are brighter and the smile on your face is not from medication or boots at 50% off. You are left musing what the hell just happened.

Life is too short. Enjoy the chocolate.

They say that the benefits of endorphin release, from a good laugh or a good healthy dose of peppers, can last up to twelve hours. Twelve hours from a five second jolt of heat. Not a bad return. Imagine if you ate this chocolate treat while watching Rusell Peters. (early Russell, not the recent stuff)

12 hours of benefits from endorphin release.

RECIPE:

Center:
Popsicle sticks or whittle a hickory stick if you are a purist
10 Dates, not the Adam Sandler movie.  I prefer naturally sun-dried sulfite free dates from Iran
8 tbsp of raw cacao powder. look for fair trade please
3 tbsp of coconut oil
Himalayan Pink Salt , a pinch ( I always use Salt of Life Himalayan Pink Salt)
3 tbsp Goji Berries
1/4 tsp Cayenne Pepper

Put a marble or stone slab in the oven at 200 degrees and use this as a surface. Mash the dates after removing the pits and then mix in coconut oil and roll on the heated slab until it is melted. Add the cacao and using the choku-zuki punch, roll it over and over until the cacao is smooth and firm. Roll it like dough until the slab is cold, as this makes a perfect stretchy chocolate. Make sure everything is bone dry, The chocolate should shine at this point and hold its shape when pressed.

Form balls with your hands and with popsicle stick, impale it like a Hun.

Chocolate Coating:

In a double boiler, melt together:
8 tbsp of cacao powder
4 tbsp of cocoa butter
4 tbsp of coconut oil
dash of salt
dash of chivalry

Take off heat and stir continously until chivalry is dead. The chocolate sauce should be thick and homogenous.

Dip popsicles. three times, letting them harden between coats. On the last coat, dip into a tray of the garnish.

Garnish:

Beet crystals, the best thing on earth that is not a Rudy blog
Pink Peppercorns

Roll the tops of the popsicle in the beet crystals , coating them generously and then sprinkle the pepercorn on the exposed areas. You have to work quickly before the chocolate sets. Immediately throw in the freezer to flash cool and harden.

How to Enjoy:

Invite one person you love, three people you like and one person you abhor. Observe them. The next time, do not invite the person who took the last piece. Repeat for the next five recipes and you will now have a select group that will last forever.